Explore Like a Local: Touring Old Mission Beach with Arleigh Rose of Juice Wave
Explore the eclectic neighborhoods of San Diego County like a local, with a local. This week we head to Old Mission Beach with Arleigh Rose of Juice Wave.
Becoming a Regular: A Love Story and How-to Guide
“What’ll it be, the usual?”
Ah, what a question—equal parts courtesy and confirmation that you are, indeed, “a Regular.” Whether it’s at a bar or restaurant, coffee cart, donut shop or bagel place (I’m proud to have been a regular at one of each), you can become a Regular anyplace you frequent frequently, but there is a caveat.
Like with any relationship, you can’t simply decide to become a Regular, any more than a man can choose who will fall in love with him (unless, of course, that man is Ryan Gosling). Your spot has to choose you, too.
Being a Regular means you’ve logged enough hours to know what they have and they’ve paid enough attention to know what you want. It’s a two-way street.
The word ‘regular’ is defined as, “of a normal or ordinary kind; not special.” In this context, it is quite the opposite—becoming a regular is anything but normal and is wildly special—it means you give and receive treatment above and beyond that of other customers.
It may sound simple, but establishing that connection is as much alchemy as anything else.
Is it because you eat or drink there a lot? Yes, but sometimes you feel like a Regular from your first visit (ever heard of love at first sight?).
Is it about being a good tipper? Yes, but the love and respect of the best servers ain’t for sale, so it’s not purely transactional.
Becoming a Regular is mainly about opening yourself up and engaging with the cast of characters that are the lifeblood of any place where you’d want to become a Regular in the first place.
Photo 1: Raised by Wolves
Photo 2: Royale!
Step 1: Find Your Place
As sociologist Ray Oldenberg laid out in his 1989 book, “The Great Good Place”, the place you want to be a Regular is a ‘Third Place’, neither home nor work, but a vital space for ideal happiness.
“Third places out in the public realm have diverse occupants...they provide places where diversity can be far more comfortably experienced. Human beings are social animals, and happy individuals exist amidst other happy individuals. If you have a third place you have more friends. You live longer the more friends you have,” Ray explained in a recent interview.
Sure, longer life is good, but longer life and Happy Hour specials with an occasional buy-back? Now you’re talking.
When you arrive at a prospective spot, let it all in. Listen for your inner tuning fork to start humming. When the lighting and music and décor strikes a chord, when a brand new place and the faces of those inside somehow feel familiar, when the smells from the kitchen and the sounds of clinking bottles and ice in a shaker excite in you a kinda’ sorta’ déjà vu, like this place has been waiting just for you—you may have found your place.
Step 2: Determine What Type of Regular You Are
Being a regular comes with its own set of unwritten Terms and Conditions—you can be strictly an after-work regular, a brunch regular, or a regular with a couple of the bartenders but not all of them.
You can be a regular when you sit at the diner counter, but not at a table.
It takes a certain level of consistency, like courting, to figure out your place and your type.
Being a regular, it’s, well…irregular. It’s kismet, fate and serendipity all rolled into one—like a romantic comedy, but instead of having to fall in love with Kate Hudson, you get to eat carnitas lettuce wraps while the bartender explains the difference between mezcal and tequila, and then makes you the best Mexican mule you’ve ever had.
You have to show up to let the magic happen, and you have to arrive with openness.
Step 3: Bring Something to the Table
As with any privilege, being a Regular comes with responsibility—be prepared to bring something to the table. A Regular salts the experience for his fellow diners and drinkers as they do for him. Regulars become part of the mix that gives a place it’s juice, that electric vibe in the air that signals a good time is had right here.
A bar or restaurant without regulars is a soulless box where food and drink are served (otherwise known as TGI Fridays).
Act graciously when you’re not on your home turf, and even when you are. If someone else keeps getting the bartender’s attention, be patient. Remember that they may already be a regular (or, of course, Ryan Gosling. Damn his piercing blue eyes).
Relationships take time, so be yourself, sit back, relax, and see what happens.
Regular at First Sight: When a Place Chooses You
There are rare times when you can experience ‘Regular at First Sight’.
After 21 years in New York City and three in Los Angeles, last fall my wife and I relocated to San Diego County. It happened within three weeks of deciding Hey, let’s move!—a timetable I don’t recommend.
On our first weekend of apartment hunting, my wife got a tip from a new colleague to look into the Bird Rock neighborhood. We needed a somewhat walkable area, because if I’m more than a few blocks from a burger, daily newspaper, and emergency Half & Half, I get twitchy.
We Google Mapped our way to La Jolla Boulevard and found ourselves a pair of stools at Beaumont’s. We needed a command center from which to hatch our plan of attack, and I’ve found that when preparing to spend a day talking to real estate agents, it’s always best to fortify with bacon and a morning cocktail.
Then, the strangest thing happened.
We were suddenly and unexpectedly invited into the fold by Manny the bartender. We began chatting with he and his brunch crowd of usual suspects. Leads were offered, contact info exchanged, and right then and there, before we had seen a single apartment, my wife and I knew that it was the right neighborhood for us.
Over the last few months I’ve become a Regular at Beaumont’s. No real seniority yet, I still have probationary status, but enough so that an Alpine Duet is usually in front of me before I’ve thought to ask for one, and Manny knows to skip the Tapatio and bring me the O’Brothers hot sauce instead.
Becoming a Regular takes time, from finding your place to putting in the hours, but there is really nothing quite like it. And sometimes, it leads to other romantic endings.
For all those years I spent in New York City, I was a regular at Fred’s, the world’s greatest bar and restaurant (conveniently located three blocks from my apartment). Just before moving to California I received the ultimate perk any Regular could hope for—I talked my favorite bartender into coming with me. She agreed, ‘till death do us part.
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